Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   what Willis was talking about...

   global warming my ass.

   two cannibals are eating a clown...one says, does this taste funny to you???

   If you had sex for 365 days, kept all the condoms and made a tire out of it, what would you call it? A F*CKING GOODYEAR!

   legally dead for tax purposes

   How in the Hell does Hillary Clinton get a concussion when she's been ducking everything??

   How do you identify Dolly Parton's children at a party? They're the ones with stretch marks around their mouths.

   FOL = Fart Out loud

   "It's time to take back our country!" Fine. Just return it to your nearest Indian casino.

   heavily armed....and not afraid to flab them in your face!!!

   thinks that the song 'Take You Down' by Chris Brown was actually a message to Rihanna.

   God gave me this illness to remind me that I'm not number One; he is. -Muhammad Ali (renowned World Boxing Champion)

   I can't prove God isn't real, but at the same time, I can't prove that my dog doesn't run a violent Asian street gang while I'm asleep.

   Someday I want to run through a field of marijuana.

   How come when Disney characters kiss a beautiful sleeping woman it's considered "heroic", but when I do it, it's just "rapey"?

   Immigrants are like sperm. Millions get in...only one works!

   Duct tape can't fix stupid Hillary Clinton supporters, but it can muffle the sound.

   Warm weather brings out the non tax payers outside

   "F%&k da haters, imma do me, these b!tches aint real I'm the realest b!tch" - Every Ghetto Chick On Facebook

   : I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologise to the man at the next urinal.