Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If lifes a B*tch, Then Why Hasnt It made Me a Sandwhich?

   My sister just texted me that she’s pregnant… I’m gonna be a dad!

   riding ponies outside Wal-Mart. . .I need quarters

   Do you think the black iPhone run faster than the white iPhone

   All of my passwords are "incorrect" so my computer always tells me if I forget.

   Tired of the dying person who keeps emailing with his billion dollars. I hope he dies soon so he would quit sending the emails.

   thinks cocaine is a good way of telling you that you make too much money

   NO Katy Perry, I have NEVER felt like a plastic bag!

   Next time send the navy seals after Casey, not the Orange county sheriff

   i'm not a stalker I just like impromptu games of follow the leader...... to their house

   Tattoos are bumper stickers for the soul.

   Driving down the road I saw a person hitch hiking, the sign read "Heaven Bound". Me being the good person I am, I hit that person, I hope they made it!

   May the fourth be with you.

   I knew that I could outdrive Tiger Woods

   Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dogs face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he cant wait to stick his head out the window into the wind??

   : Twists and Turns and yet NO Lessons Learned!!!! :(

   Lefties can argue all they want that they are better than people who use their right hand, but I know for a fact that the right leg is more important than the left. How many people use their left leg when they drive an automatic car?

   Joined a cult today.

   Don't make the same mistake your parents did...Use birth control! ;)

   I like it wherever I can get it, just saying lady's.........