Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I hope the lottery girl pulls out my balls tonight....

   I'm so old, I remember when being a socialist made you a Nazi or a Communist

   Dearly beloved God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.

   Covering a beard with a face mask looks like a lady’s underwear commercial from 1972

   How can folks find time to protest and work a job too? Oh, that's right. Welfare.

   If the POS dont represent islam, then the POS doesnt represent gun owners either dumba$$

   ..... OK .... Listen up boys and girls ..... If Hillary Clinton can claim to not remember how to identify a classified document ...... How can she claim to have never sent or received one? ..... Any Plausible Answers?

   For all of you conspiracy theorists out there, We finally have Absolute Proof Osama Bin Laden is dead. Yesterday he registered to vote Democrat!!!

   the UFOs are trying to look like stars...i am not fooled.

   It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you're listening.

   Its friday everybody! Maybe I should make a song about it.......u know, just to get the word out

   Dear Humans, We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left. Sincerely, Zombies.

   Fool people into thinking you have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.

   I always thought that holding on was the strongest thing a person could do, now I see that it's letting go that takes an enormous amount of courage & strength

   Strategies' are like women…some come quickly…some take some work…and some can have multiple outcomes…However, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands…

   Some people treat their body like a temple. I treat mine like a cookie jar.

   Dam you Charlie Sheen, your making Danny Bonaduce look normal.

   Just watched 'Pan Am" ….. Now there's an example where the union seniority killed the industry, all those lovely stewardesses are now old flight attendants

   Release frustration wisely: Have angry sex.

   Karaoke is always a great idea before the mic is placed in your hand