Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen or oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

   I'm a good girl, I am. I just never said what I am good at.

   When people say “I'm not getting any younger!” I wonder what other basic life concepts they just figured out

   I've found the perfect weight-loss system. Convert to the metric system and lose half your weight in just seconds!

   may not be a millionaire yet but I figure what I have in my pocket combined with 3 vehicles full of gas puts me pretty damned close...

   Need a new hobby. Think I'm gonna learn photosynthesis.

   I liked you a lot more before I met you.

   I hope Amanda Knox moves into the Jersey Shore house.

   It would be horrible if Facebook connected to Google and posted what you are searching for.

   Guys: When you're watching your friend play a single player game, you secretly hope they die.

   worried about his financial future...even Daylight Savings Time has a better plan than me...

   thinking why do all main disney channel or nickolodeon stars become singers when most cant even sing!?

   if you cant face it, moon it. but just for tonight, you can also supermoon it. its like mooning it but a bit closer

   When the hell did my delusions of grandeur, turn into delusions of adequacy?!?

   Too often we want what we cant have... but those who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want.

   Marriage tip #1: If your wife asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, just tell her that if she ran at the gym like she ran her mouth at home, she wouldn't have to ask that question.

   Today is the one-year anniversary of our two-week lockdown.

   Getting old is trying to decide whether to roll to your right or roll to your left after getting the dog’s ball from under the couch

   I think we all owe 2019 an apology. It wasn't so bad after all

   So now they say Vaccinated People can Gather in Groups of 8 with No Issues but I don’t Know 8 People with No Issues.