Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When parents on Facebook post about how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"

   I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.

   my english is getting gooder and gooder

   I don't care how comfortable crocs are, you look like a dumba$$!

   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

   What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.

   Happy 236th Birthday to my fellow Marines .. Semper Fi .

   Cheating is a choice... Not a mistake.

   Vending machines are so homophobic. Sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you...

   I'm pretty sure going down on Lindsay Lohan is like licking a 9-volt battery.

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   When will women ever learn? If I pay all your bills, put a roof over your head, make sure you are well fed and dressed, buy you a car so you can move around, then the term INDEPENDENT WOMAN does not apply to you. I am your majority shareholder.

   Imagine being an adult who owns a stick that holds your phone just so you can be able to take photographs of your face.

   Thankyou, slow walking family in front of me on the foothpath, No please, take your time.... and definately spread out, so you create a barricade of idiots.

   porn + cheetos = orange pecker

   I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs

   I was going to post a couple jokes about the unemployed, but none of them work.

   If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis.

   "I spent our entire relationship trying to change the man he was all the way until I broke up with him for not being the same man I met and fell in love with" ~ Women

   My Saturday is going really good until I realized its Sunday