Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 113 of 6383
The year is 2025. The few survivors of the great plague of 2020 roam the irradiated wastelands of the planet, singing Happy Birthday to themselves constantly. Nobody really remembers why.
←Rate |
03-05-2020 16:09
Comments (0)
In Florida we get "I'm still voting" stickers.
←Rate |
11-14-2018 13:29
Comments (0)
It’s not unusual to get Tom Jones songs stuck in your head.
←Rate |
11-24-2018 04:26
Comments (0)
Somebody clearly missed the opportunity of a lifetime when they called the game Mario Kart instead of Mario Speedwagon.
←Rate |
02-26-2019 11:04 by HotTea
Comments (0)
I prefer to think of myself as a "Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has just the right amount of flair. Besides, "stalker" is such an ugly word.
←Rate |
11-29-2018 10:19
Comments (0)
"did I catch you at a bad time?" "yeah, I'm awake and sober"
Alexa, clean up my act!
←Rate |
12-12-2018 06:09
Comments (0)
It's really cold out there folks. If you're heading out to Walmart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
←Rate |
01-04-2019 15:48 by Bob
Comments (0)
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It's useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non-removable screws.
←Rate |
01-09-2019 14:21
Comments (0)
The minute you post an incorrect spelllling on line you find a hundred unemployed Teachers on social sites!
←Rate |
01-31-2019 02:55
Comments (0)
The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.
←Rate |
02-05-2019 16:03 by Joker
Comments (0)
I have my doubts about all these new "smart waters" considering how easily they were captured and bottled
←Rate |
05-10-2019 12:39 by Mylez
Comments (0)
Nothing you can ever accomplish will make your parents any happier than the first time you slept through the night.
←Rate |
06-11-2019 06:41
Comments (0)
Restaurant toilets are so dangerous. So many of my dates have gone there and never some back.
←Rate |
07-12-2019 09:11
Comments (0)
If anyone sees that woman drying her bra by holding it out of the car window please tell her I love her
←Rate |
08-08-2019 06:07
Comments (0)
Anyone who doesn't request unlimited salad and breadsticks as their last meal is an idiot
←Rate |
08-21-2019 15:09
Comments (0)
"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb?" "It's a really obscure number, you probably haven't heard of it."
←Rate |
08-25-2019 16:18
Comments (0)
For next season’s “survivor” series, let’s get 16 politicians and force them to live on minimum wage.
←Rate |
10-01-2019 04:50 by Crewzey
Comments (0)
Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving. Better start marinating the beaver.
←Rate |
10-02-2019 05:59
Comments (0)
That concludes the Time Travelers Club meeting, see you all last month.