Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
If someone doesn't ask me, "What in the hell is wrong with you?" at least once a day, I feel like a failure. 
saw a guy give a homeless man a coffee....Great! Now he is alert and fully aware of his surroundings...the street, the alley, his shopping cart...
no wonder gangsters pants hang so low there so full of sh*t
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby
Scr*w you recommended serving size. You don't know me
Last week, a lady in China had a baby with three arms. They're always one step ahead of us aren't they? He's probably making shoes and toys right now as I type this.
I just saw a dude put sunscreen on his back by squirting it on a wall and backing into it.
How a woman crosses her legs can say a lot about how she feels about you. For Example: If they're crossed over her head, she probably likes you
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why TLC didn't want him to go?
Husband: Let's try a different position tonight. Wife: That's a good idea. You stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
All the people with barbwire tattoos should join together and form a border wall between US and Mexico
The hands that help others in need are holier than the lips that pray.
Just deleted a guy off my friend list for posting the status "I hate Macaroni and cheese" That's right. I'm not taking crap from anyone today!
Well played, anti-theft hotel hangers. But I took the rod too. Your move.
Her smile used to get me through a tough day. Now her smile just keeps me up all these sleepless nights...wondering...what is this b!tch up to???
I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation.
I hate arrogant people....It's like they think they're better than me...No one is better than me!
Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance! *this fb status had been approved and paid for by Alcohol 