Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All of us are God's Creatures, Just Some are More Creatures Than Others !!!

   do tree huggers buy toilet paper?

   U know some people are like VIRUSES, they ENTER your LIFE, SCAN your POCKETS, TRANSFER your IDEAS, EDIT your MINDE, DOWNLOAD your HEART, and UPLOAD their PROBLEMS

   Please Wait...My heart is now loading...20% completed.40% completed.80% completed.99.9% completed...Error! Error!..Something has interrupted the download. Please try again later.

   My dog was barking at the back door and my wife was yelling at the front door. I always let the dog in first because at least its shuts up when it gets in the house.

   I piss awesomeness. Awesomeness burns, right?

   The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.

   They wouldn't have to ban texting while driving if they would just legalize driving through red lights...

   I'll tell ya, there's nothing better than a cold beer(s) after a long hard day of laying on the couch...

   The worst thing you can say to a man is "Are you in yet.."

   Facebook message inbox:"Wwo! Is htat raelly you in htis ivdeo?".... Yeah, that link looks safe, it was obviously sent by one of my dear friends, let me click it and check it out, no way it's a spamming virus...... Idiots.

   I never make the same mistake twice... I like to fill my day with a wide variety of mistakes from a large number of sources.

   A man buys his wife a car and she says "Can't you get me something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds?" He brought her the bathroom scale.

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, everyone remembers. Funny how that works.

   Sometimes the dreams that come true are dreams you never even knew you had.

   We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes... ;) :D :P

   I've gone to bed like 6 times tonight and I've ended up on Facebook every time.

   If your paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!

   : If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other!

   BP Is Doing All They Can To Clean Up The Oil Spill They Are Even Offering The Cuban Refugees absorbant Oil Clean-Up Suits As They Get Ready To Swim Over. Thanx BP!!