Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   THEY SAY IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, JUST MAKE SURE THEY ARE NOT HANGIN WITH THE VILLAGE IDIOT !!

   Intex Easy Set Pools just sent a big "Thank You" note to BP...

   We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

   I wonder how many hot dogs Kobayashi sucked down in jail last night??

   i love you till...............tom catches jerry n has him for dinner...... :P

   Life will take you down sometimes, its up2 you if you wanna pull yourself back up!!

   a man can do the world of good and never be remembered, but let him make one mistake and he'll never be forgotten

   Roses are red Violets are blue Friend Requests are great But who the f#$k are you?

   There's always a little truth behind every "just kidding", a little knowledge behind every "I don't know", a little emotion behind every "I don't care", and a little pain behind every "It's okay"!

   Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

   washing my car, the birds need a clean place to use the bathroom.

   Where would one apply to be a boob critic? I think I would do well at this.

   9 out of 10 Canadians believe that out of 10 people, 1 Canadian will always disagree with the other 9

   like a bra, she gives me support and is close to my heart

   I have just finished my thesis: "Pyrotechnics Lead to prosthetics". Keep all your digits safe! Happy 4th!!

   a ninja NO YOU ARE NOT! you saw that?? SAW WHAT? exactly...

   will stop drinking when captain morgan puts his foot down.

   saw a police vehicle with a broken tail light. Can another police officer pull him over to give him a ticket?

   Feel bad for eating sushi at my desk in front of my goldfish.