Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   s Akon 2006 "I wanna f**k you" .. Akon 2008 " I wanna make love right now na na na" .. Akon 2010 "I just had sex!" .. poor guy waited 4 years!

   Vodka is made from potatoes. Which means once upon a time, someone looked at a potato and figured out how to drink it, Genius! but now I'm worried about Banana milk shake...

   you say it best when you say nothing at all

   Party ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ at my __̴ı̴̴̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡̡̡ ̡͌l̡*̡̡ ̴̡ı̴̴̡ ̡̡͡|̲̲̲͡͡͡ ̲▫̲͡ ̲̲̲͡͡π̲̲͡͡ ̲̲͡▫̲̲͡͡ ̲|̡

   This might sound like an a-hole thing for me to say, but I think I could take Muhammad Ali now.

   (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Smoking Kills! So why don't you have another.

   thinking that it was not a good ideal to eat a glazed donut over my keyboard...

   I'm not ignoring you, I'm denying your existence.

   Thinks that if someone says plz because it's shorter than please, you should say no because it's shorter than yes.

   S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

   Who cares if taco bell isn't using all beef, whatever it is it taste good and it's playing the part!

   One thing I miss about childhood is being able to throw a snowball at someone's head without the authorities getting involved.

   How is it my cat is only one foot tall but his azz is always at eye level?

   Note to Taco Bell: If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck,Glue some hooves on it and call it beef....

   apparently my wife didnt think "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" was half as funny as my friends did

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   has 32 friends online right now on a Friday night....Your all a bunch of losers...I am proud to be one of you.......!

   Sometimes I cook with wine, and sometimes I even add it to the food

   I talk to myself because my teenager wont talk to me

   your acceptance of what is about to happen isn't required, but I have this axe and I already dug a hole, so.....