Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   considering their age and current physiques, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger VS Sylvester Stallone would be a great street fight, although Stallone has a very slight edge

   I argue with myself sometime because I know for a fact that I'll win

   Im the swaglord you have been blessed

   If Microsoft Word has taught me anything it's that if I want to get a point across, I need to use bullets.

   Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I'll rememeber; involve me and I'll understand.

   it me or is majority of your high school friends more ‘Antisocial' these days on Facebook. Like we're all strangers or something…..No? Ok its not just me.

   So today is officially the first day of Spring! Just think, only a mere 277 more days till Winter arrives again...

   Methinks someone in Washington has discovered that "Hope and Change" is a lot easier to say than it is to deliver .

   The national debt is up 40% since Inauguration Day. Unemployment is up 1.2%. We're not only still fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan; we're now engaged with Libya. Gas prices are approaching $4.00/gal, and we're halfway through the fiscal year and sti

   Note to self: That was way to much beer!

   50% of my weirdness makes the other 50% creepy.

   Breaking: French warplanes engaging Libyan air force. Related: France surrenders to Libya.

   Why is Germany sitting out the no-fly Zone? Uh, history of losing in N. Africa?

   Since when did "Paint By Numbers" make an EYEBROW kit?!?!?!

   comment "An acute failure of the victim selection process." next time someone post the video of the fat kid body slaming the little bully

   Fact: Tan cellulite looks better than pale cellulite.

   I love old people because they're wise and smell like soup.

   Homeless people dont have it too bad; I mean.......they dont have to pay taxes, WORK, pay bills, hell.......they can freakin sleep anytime they want!

   To all you guys out there that "pimp" out your truck , its like dressing your son up in girls clothes.

   Supermoon is awesome!!! Oh wait, that's a streetlight.....