Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Anyone besides me have that totally narcissistic FB friend that post the most mundane things about their life because they think people actually care? Typing this while pooping.

   was really hoping the rapture would have taken away all the people that believed the rapture was going to take them away.

   Forget health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

   was really hoping the rapture was coming to take away all the people that believed this rapture was real.

   he loves heavy metal ... gold , steel and lead are his favourites

   Harold camping: turning the world atheist, 1 bogus prediction at a time

   Fella's: If your wife says she might be pregnant. Saying"I am pro choice" Is frowned upon......apparently!

   Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don't want to see.

   This guy's all like "I think you've had enough beers for one night." Then I'm all "Scrw you, fridge. Appliances can't even talk."

   Kharma, what did I do to deserve this?! ...Oh, now I remember. Carry on then.

   I keep forgetting the rules. When Jesus doesn't show up, is that 6 more weeks of winter?

   I bet Harold Camping's church service Sunday was pretty awkward.

   ''Its difficult not to judge urself by someone else's reaction''

   wonders why Monopoly never gave us any explanation as to why we had to "Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200". Seriously, what the hell was that about?

   Proctalgia Fugax Is A Pain In The Butt.

   Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong you really need to upgrade from basic cable.

   If you watch Godzilla vs. King Kong backwards it's about two monsters who forget their differences and build a city

   Just denied 47 requests to play FarmVille, apparently I need new friends.

   Google turned 12 this year, so now we have 1 more year to use it before it turns into a teenager and wont answer anything!