Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Heres one for MythBusters: See if she can really suck a golf ball thru a garden hose.

   It's 106 miles to Chicago. We've got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

   Holy shat Marty McFly turns 50 today. (I could insert a Parkinson's joke here but that would be rude)

   any girl can be cute with the right amount of makeup

   _______ _. _____ died June 7, 2011 at the age of __. He was the _______ of ___ Libs. (RIP Leonard B. Stern)

   A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.

   After I was born the Doctor had to slap my ass to get me breathing, I was so pissed after that I didn't speak to anyone for almost two years

   I don't get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.

   I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.

   • My life. My choices. My mistakes. My lessons. Not your business.

   What I hate most about winter is people coming to bed and touching me their ice cold toes. I know you got your sexy on, but for god's sake wear some socks.

   Don't you HATE it when your ex says to you "I'm here if you ever need me". Where the f**k were you when we were together and I needed you?

   "I'm a Flirt In A Skirt, A Tease If Past My Knees & A Slut If Past My Butt"

   Alot of people look up to me... Mostly midgets and children, but its just nice knowing that...

   Rock a bye baby on the tree top, when the wind blows the cradle will rock, when the bough breaks the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all. Really? Why the hell did you put you kid in a tree for anyway?

   I'm not weird, I'm normal... You're just not used to me.

   just spent 30 minutes entering ridiculous symptoms into WebMD and it diagnosed me as having no life and being immature. Pshhh!

   Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.

   Be careful when it comes to reincarnation…. one time I asked to be a singer and I spent 30 years as a sewing machine.

   Made it through another day without having to know karate.