Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "I wasn't that drunk." "Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single."

   Dear Raisin Bran: Two scoops my a$$.

   You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.

   Modern music is like Taco Bell. They keep coming up with new things using the same seven ingredients.

   We all could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

   eating pop rocks and drinking pop. Aint dead yet..

   Game Day...Here's to hoping USA wins the world cup, and a Hope Solo flash ; )

   My friend accused me of gossiping. I took offense because I've heard from several sources that she is the one that gossips.

   A man was arrested after he broke into a sex shop & used a blow-up doll. He was chrgd with breaking & entering & entering.

   Certain things which are crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until the day when that activity is planned, at which point the thing in question will disappear from the face of the earth.

   Why are you tryin so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out

   Love is in the air...and i'm wearing a gas mask.

   You may be worthless to one person, but priceless to another. You just have to be smart enough to differentiate between the two.

   I do my best proofreading right after I hit send

   Casey Anthony turned up missing after being released from jail....Florida police plan on sending officers to investigate it----In 31 days.

   If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

   When I was a kid, I used to think that the moon followed my car

   Ahhh.. Time for bed. The only time where I don't worry about anything other than total relaxation.. Pffff.. Jk I lay their for 30 mins then masturbate.

   The people who deserve nothing, are handed everything.

   If Miley Cyrus trips and falls, is it considered a hoedown?