Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Listening to some gospel music by Eminem. Amen to that !!! Epic

   You have to realize women love challenges. They always want what they can't have.

   Great teamwork in a relationship is when a woman brings more than her looks to the table and a man brings more than a stiff d*ck.

   There is nothing wrong with saying no every once in awhile. It may piss a few people off but at least you will have some piece of mind!

   She is not a slut, she just needs to work on her "saying no" skills.

   UPDATE: As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that Internet outages could force people to interact with other people for the first time in years.remember an interaction is just like a series of fb upd

   In a healthy relationship, ladies swallow what's on the menu and guys lick the plate clean.

   The only thing worse than repeating the same mistake, is repeating them with the same person

   They don't miss you when you're gone . . they miss you when you move on

   Can you hear those footsteps running behind you? That's not me running after you, that's karma catching up to you.

   I refuse to let a woman make a fool out of me and I refuse to let any female take me out of my character.

   Bad things come In 3's. First the earthquake, then the hurricane, then the zombies..

   No seriuously we should not have dumped Osama bin Laden's body in the ocean ..... Neptune is pissed. He has Unleashed The Kraken's

   "Irene is what happens when the universe has just had enough of Jersey Shore..."

   Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age, but will kill you if you forget their birthday`s :-)

   Job's forbidden fruit co. (Apple) has turned you into an unrepentable sinner if your partner says "iLoveU" and you reply with "When is the launch date for that?"

   I think if they named all the huricanes after men, they probaably would never make it past the Virgin Islands...

   I wonder if they get hurricanes in India? Let me call there and find out, what the number to AT&T?

   They say that this planet is another world's hell. I don't know WTF I did but I'm Sorry!!!

   One good thing about hurricane Irene. The news has pre-empted NASCAR on the east coast.