Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Slugs: are just homeless, snails.

   SARCASM- Because beating the crap out of people up is an offence.

   filling my blow up doll with helium so she plays hard to get

   Sometimes we fight because we have to , there is no other option. There is morally no other option There is a dignity in the struggle , which helps us understand our own identity.

   Ladies dont go after ugly rich men, Make your own money so you can hook-up with Hot poor guys like me.

   The Asian B0ner -> Often Mistaken For a Third N!pple.

   When it comes to sex, women who date asians appreciate the smaller things in life.

   I know the Flinstone characters are cartoons, but id "yabba dabba do" Betty! Just sayin.

   One bite of a cookie, and suddenly your on a plane to vegas with a hooker. Wth

   If you ever need to know who your real friends are just tell them you need help moving and see who shows up

   When you get out of a cab, always run in a zig-zag pattern!

   in theory, if you run around a tree at the speed of light, you could kick your own a$$!

   Life always play with us, when we are helpless..!!!

   #ThatAwkwardMoment when you are at a funeral and your phone rings.. you ring tone is "Another One Bites The Dust"

   i kinda think the nintendo character mario was on drugs...he ate mushrooms & thought turtles were attacking & had to save the princess from the biggest baddest turtle of them all...this is why you dont do shrooms kids

   i dont wake up in the morning feeling like p diddy. I feel like crap -_-

   Broke up with my crossed eyed boyfriend.. because he was seeing other people.

   if I'm not sure wich one you are in the picture, I'm going to assume you're the ugly one

   vodka does for me what spinach does for Popeye.

   Hey Motels, you can take the "Color TV" signs down now. We know....