Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember how people saying the pandemic would be over the day after the election? Well, you haven't seen much about in the news these past few days, have you?

   My neighbor is louder than a spinning dryer drum full of loose change on a groaning container ship being ripped apart by rogue waves.

   Parenting fact: The kid who says “wasn’t me” before you even ask the question is definitely the guilty one

   States are going blue like a pad in a period commercial

   Coming to theaters on January 20, 2021: "Hey! Where's All My Free Stuff?" Tickets: $70. Popcorn: $55. Coke or Sprite: $40.

   It looks like the same people who hate science are also hating math now.

   Coronavirus be like: "Fine, you don't want to believe in me? I'll teach you a lesson by removing your current president. That'll learn ya!"

   If I'm winning, stop the count. If I'm losing, Keep counting until I win. Makes sense, don't ya think?

   If your election lasts more than 4 days you should consult a physician.

   Amazon would have delivered these ballots in 2 days.

   The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.

   Rememeber your vote does not count if you do not post it on social media.

   I wonder how many mini Reese’s cups I can fit in each cheek before my facial recognition stops working?

   My husband witnessed a miracle today. The Amazon truck drove by our house …without stopping.

   The average Apple employee works 6 hours a day longer than an Apple battery.

   Anyone going early Black Friday shopping after the elections?

   Maybe snow kills COVID. You don’t know!

   To help curve the Coronavirus I've only hung out with three of my Facebook friends all year, just like last year.

   Fauci spent 50 years of his life studying viruses, just so he could trick rednecks into wearing paper masks. That was his career goal all along. Don't believe anything else.

   If I don't get my way, I'm going in with my lawyers...wahhhhhh!!!! I'm such a great role model.