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Quick! I’m doing my taxes. Is it normal to get $76,000 back when you make $60,000?
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02-04-2021 08:22
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If you don’t know the right way to bend your knees and lower yourself for exercise purposes then you don’t know squat.
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02-04-2021 08:21
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ME: *hands a hundred dollar bill to a dog groomer and points at my head* just try your best
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02-04-2021 08:21
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you either dated people in middle school or you’re funny now
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02-04-2021 08:20
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I hate how documentaries make me feel guilty for throwing straws into a turtle's egg nest.
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02-03-2021 21:09 by
DocNoland
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Hey! Who remembers seeing men on tv ripping phone books in half? Hey! Who remembers phone books? Hey! Who remembers men?
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02-03-2021 20:59 by
Fazzy
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Presidents day is canceled until we get one.
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02-03-2021 16:36 by
Cyndi
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Hate how my automatic spell checker turns sentences like "I'd be happy to work for you" into "I'd be happy to twerk for you" which would be great if I was looking for a job as a Chippendale dancer.
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02-03-2021 10:00 by
Moon
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My daughter is angry that I won’t let her eat icicles hanging off our house, like I’m some kind of monster for denying her a gutter sucker.
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02-03-2021 09:29
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Frankenstein was 90% about someone making up a guy and then getting mad at him
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02-03-2021 09:28
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Pollen is what happens when flowers can’t keep it in their plants.
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02-03-2021 08:11
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Just did my own taxes . I should be in jail by Friday.
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02-03-2021 08:10
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My neighbors hate me because I still haven’t taken my Groundhog Day decorations down.
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02-03-2021 07:58
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Don’t worry little groundhog, when I stick my head outside and see what’s going on in the world today I run back inside and hide too.
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02-03-2021 07:58
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Ginger bread man give good sloppy toppy
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02-02-2021 23:51
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I spent a year once in a two week lockdown to flatten the curve...
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02-02-2021 22:15 by
MrSharp
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Marriage tip #1 & #2: Sleeping on the couch with the dog isn't all that bad. It kind of reminds you of camping out.
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02-02-2021 13:28
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Don't Yuck someone else's Yum !
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02-02-2021 12:53
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My washer and dryer finished at the same time, but I think my dryer faked it.
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02-02-2021 08:45
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Kamala has had more politicians in her than the White House, the Capitol and the Lincoln Memorial combined.
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02-02-2021 08:21 by
Fazzy
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