Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Looks like it's probably going to to be a "guilty of manslaughter" verdict. Women are emotional and probably don't want to upset the prosecutor or defense so I predict they will choose a "compromise verdict" of guilty of manslaughter.

   Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

   a social drinker. You're having one? Well so-cial I!

   Game of Thrones is totally going to win the "Most Unrealistic Pubic Hair in a Medieval Drama" Emmy this year.

   I'm Mandela's grandson and have all his leadership skills , follow me

   Thanks for the suggestion, serving size... I've had a good laugh,, and will now make you feel stupid for being so wrong.

   "Help, I've fallen and can't get up. No, wait! It's comfy down here. Can someone pass me a pillow? And the remote

   I feel a spree coming on... Now its up to you.... Shopping or Killing?

   it doesn't matter if you don't like my personality... I have several more!

   i like that you try to compete with me. At least you have a goal...unrealistic and unatainable, but at least its a goal!

   I'm only stalking you cause I know you have an extra burger in that Mcdonalds bag.

   I'm running out of reasons not to stab you.

   Stop saying that I'm hard to shop for. Surely you know where the Liquor store is....

   Coffee, You're on the bench. Alcohol...suit up!

   After a night out home with girls, they brought me home with their car. As I entered my crib, I shouted"Thanks for the RIDE girls...and bringing me home.

   I joke on Paula Deen being racisst but if she start a plantation with free food I'd be right there like Samuel L Jackson in Django.

   I pooped the other day and called it Peter. That is the closest I have come to playing Call of Duty.

   If my girl dance with another guy she flirting with death

   Discussion of Corvettes. Making people argue and act little weinies since 2013.

   CNN BREAKING NEWS. JURORS IN THE GEORGE ZIMMERMAN TRIAL HAVE ORDERED TUNAFISH SANDWICHES ON WHOLE WHEAT, AND SWEET TEA.