Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   This is a historic day today - one we will all remember. A woman on a bed with the whole of Britain watching and waiting. RIP internet porn....

   I'm surprised people don't use photoshop to also clean the house in the background of all these fake photos they upload

   This just in...Goerge Zimmerman resues cat from tree!!

   The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows Sincerely & does exactly as he says is a PHOTOGRAPHER !!!

   I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.

   You realize like, billions of women have done the same damn thing right?

   BREAKING: George Zimmerman says he's "keeping an eye on" the Royal Baby, will let us know if anything seems suspicious

   Somewhere in London, a princess is pooping on a delivery table. Just keeping it real, folks.

   The Royal Baby is already promised to marry into the Lannister family.

   Just name the damn royal baby Monday since everyone hates it already.

   He died doing what he loved; failing to deploy a parachute.

   My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.

   Honey, guys don't want to get with you because you're hot, they want to get with you because you're easy. Know the difference.

   After a certain point, the 'F' on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.

   The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.

   Duchess Kate, Ima let you finish, but the Virgin Mary had the greatest Royal Baby of all time.

   Dear Kate Middleton, Thank you for knocking Trayvon Martin off my TV screen.

   Our ancestors created America to get away from the crown. We shouldn't have to hear, and we don't give a puck about, the royal baby.

   Breaking news: The Detroit Tigers file for Little Leauge.

   water is the leading cause of drowning...