Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Wife: Why do you go out in the balcony, when I start singing,,Me, So the neighbors don't think I'm beating you 
My wife told me to whisper dirty things to her, so I said "The Kitchen, Living room, Bedroom....
The great thing about being a guy is I don't have to put on a "face" to go outside. All I have to do is make sure my nutsack isn't showing and I'm pretty much golden
The only difference between McDonald's and my work is McDonald's has only got one clown running the show
Ladies, you can stop with the expensive bikini wax treatments. I have a roll of duct tape. . .
Maybe Obama should have pitched Obamacare on Shark Tank?
Note to self: Don't photobomb someone getting a mammogram
Note to self: Don't photobomb someone getting an MRI
of all the things i've lost, I miss my childhood the most...
Lawmakers here in New York are considering a plan to bring slot machines to LaGuardia Airport. Of course there's always that other way to gamble at LaGuardia — checking a bag.
The president announced his bracket for the NCAA tournament. March Madness and Obama is predicting Michigan State will beat Louisville to win the national championship. Going by Obama's past predictions, I want to congratulate Louisville on their big wi
Don't justify aggressive behavior with cultural diversity.
Has anyone even considered that the missing Malaysian airliner just may have been Wonder Woman's invisible jet?
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
I've always had this fantasy to make love to two women......... Like, in the same year
It's weird how starving people aren't allergic to gluten.
This CNN coverage of a missing plane is the longest episode of Gilligan's Island I've ever watched.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we're gonna have to ask you to leave."
What a lovely winter we're having this spring.
People who only sleep with one pillow are the real terrorists. 