Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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Page: 104 of 6446

   messageicon Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I'll have a water and my daughter will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids Bloody Mary in a Styrofoam cup with a straw.
←Rate | 07-01-2023 11:48 by Vaterpop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you can count the number of times you lit off fireworks on one hand and after this week some of you will only be able to count the number of times you lit off fireworks on one hand.
←Rate | 06-30-2023 22:58 by Matt Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if the guy who coined the term "One Hit Wonder" ever came up with any other phrases.
←Rate | 06-29-2023 23:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let this stupid kid out that likes his own post for 100 tiimes and bring the funny ones back.. f this kid....
←Rate | 06-29-2023 09:35 by Dennis Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only time I've ever felt like a male trapped in a female's body was the 9 months before I was born.
←Rate | 06-29-2023 06:58 by Mick Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waiting on my Canada Smoke Stimulus Check
←Rate | 06-29-2023 05:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Party at my house on July 4th., just bring the beer, meat and veggies. I got the plates.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 16:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best time of day for a prostate exam is 6:30 because both hands are at the bottom.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon New song. Smoke on the water, Fire in Canada
←Rate | 06-28-2023 13:54 by JIMBOFUNATANYBAR Comments (0)  


   messageicon All women over 40 have garlic breath.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the age where I don't want to throw away a box because, well, it's a really nice box.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 10:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Too embarrassed to buy “skinny jeans”? Simply buy normal jeans and put on a sheetload of weight.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 10:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to dye my hair when I stay in hotel rooms to make the housekeepers believe I’m on the run.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 10:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I missed a swipe when shaving my legs and now my leg has a mohawk
←Rate | 06-28-2023 10:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When will these social media model wannabes learn that guys drool over anything. The only things required are 2 t'ts, a hole, and a heartbeat. Heartbeat optional.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 09:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My smart mouth always gets me in trouble. And if it's not my mouth, it's my facial expressions.
←Rate | 06-28-2023 06:04 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that 36% of women are battered ... and all this time ...I've been eating them raw
←Rate | 06-26-2023 00:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody hates a cliffhanger because of the
←Rate | 06-25-2023 10:32 by GaryKoenig Comments (0)  


   messageicon God always answers prayers. The problem is 99% of the time the answer is "no."
←Rate | 06-25-2023 08:45 by Juan-the-Baptiste Comments (0)  


   messageicon Q. What has red hair, big shoes and lives in a test tube? A. Bozo the Clone.
←Rate | 06-23-2023 21:16 by Kull Comments (0)  




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