Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Happy Birthday Eastenders! 25 years of bad acting and impossible storylines. And still we're hooked.

   Woman talk too much, the good ones, get paid well for it: OPRAH!

   called your boyfriend gay and he hit me back with his purse

   watched the Olympic snowboard competition last night. Woke up with a sore back.

   heard that results of a new study finds that two-thirds of Americans believe that torture is sometimes justified. Ahhh, so that helps explain why The Bachelor is still on the air.

   Hey Friday, um....you're cool and all but...I'm really into your friend Saturday. We have way more fun together. Sorry :(

   thinks that the term “Beauty mark” is just a euphemism for freaky, hairy mole!

   read that during his press conference today, Tiger Woods will not be taking any questions or phone numbers.

   wonders if you ever wished your life had a System Restore... or maybe even just a Back Button?

   There is still no cure for the common birthday

   Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

   Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

   what do you call a gay dinosaur? A mega saur-ass

   Just because you people don't have originality doesn't mean you have to hate on ours. Make your own status you freakin nazi's!

   wondering why if you can flash back to the past, why can't you flash foward to pay day?

   going to Diseny World to play with my Make Believe friends

   *Breaking news*...Tiger woods has crashed his Cadillac into another tree at the dogleg right on his way to the news conference. In a show of bravery during Black History Month, O.J. has picked him up in a White Ford Bronco.

   just found out that Lindsey Vonn had her gold medal taken away by Obama. The reason is that he is going down hill faster than she did.

   Those candy necklaces are overrated because you end up with all that spit on your neck!!!

   So my buddys status said "Standing on the edge of a cliff." So I poked him. I don't really like him that much.... yeah you know who you are.