Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I drop my ipod:( ………and then my headphones save it's life :) 
How are babies not self-consciousness of their thighs?
doesn't suffer from insanity... he enjoys every minute of it.
100% positive that he isn't sure!
Anything you say will be held against you. "Tit".
clones 2,4, & 9 are still missing. I'll check the liquor stores, and you check the porn shops. If they've gotten out of town, they'll be heading for Vegas!
UPDATE...in the midst of preparing an antidote to fix stupid...a massive explosion accured....needless to say...everyone was right....THERE AIN'T NO FIXIN' STUPID!
You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the a**hole you worry about, it's how much crap comes out of it.
wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
The nice thing about being overweight is, if challenged, you can crush the competition....on a lighter note, you can then finish your donut......
Working on working on my evil plot to take over the world. But first, a bowl of Froot Loops!
went into a library dressed as a German classical composer and asked for a book on Austrian actors. The librarian said, "Aisle B, Bach".
In his first day since stepping down from BP, Tony Hayward took a $hit in his neighbor's pool.
Alcohol was my dad's answer to everything. He didn't drink. He was just lousy at quizzes.
Something a wife would NEVER say to her husband: "Could you please stop washing the dishes and sit down and have a beer with me, I can't hear the game!"
If you fall, I'll be there - The Floor
Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . have fun
Facebook is a major city, Twitter is a vacation spot, and My space is a ghost town.
Being a single independent person means, you're not dependent to your family and friends too, is that right?!
That lady from the target commercial scares me. 