Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   happy and I knew it and then I clapped my hand, everyone thought I was weirdo :/

   Some people are wise, Some are just other wise.

   Attracting men is just like fishing. You just have to wiggle the bait.

   Would like to remind all my friends who also spent Valentine's day alone, St. Patricks day is only a month away... Start drinking!

   What did things taste like before there were chickens?

   Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.

   Tomorrow is the end? Then I call "SHOTGUN"!!

   Jail..the government's way of sending you to your room.

   My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

   There's no law against sticking to your guns, but make sure you've loaded your brain before you start firing off your mouth.

   If I ever lose a hand I'm definitely replacing it with a single nunchuck on a chain

   I offend people in a nice way

   I don't think I should be held responsible for the things I say to fill awkward silences.

   BBC News: Questions being asked why bomb detecting equipment didn't detect fake bomb on board plane which flew from London to Istanbul. Erm, because it wasn't a bomb?

   Brexit could be followed by Grexit, Departugal, Italeave, Czechout, Oustria, Finish, Slovakout, Latervia, Byegium. Only Remania will stay.

   Go fund me = internet panhandling

   I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....

   Airport security asked me if I've seen anything unusual...I just paid $18 for a coke & a ham sandwich...Let's start with that.

   Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole

   Oh honey, you're not pretty enough to be that stupid