Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

   Consider the social cohesion and dignity of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable catastrophe. Contrast that with the behavior of Americans when faced with Black Friday.

   After seeing all the gang signs at the park idk which one I want to join :-P

   Let's drink tequila till you don't remember what I suggest next..

   super excited cause In 21st century relationships.. you can touch each other's private parts BUT you can't touch each other's cell phones because they are PRIVATE!

   Phase one of my secret plan is to teach the squirrels to work as lookouts. Once that is in place, I order the balloons.

   When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide

   Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?

   H R Clinton Deleted/Destroyed over 33,000 Emails AFTER being ordered to surrender her Private Server & ALL contents to Authorities. Because she deleted the emails Clinton is disqualified from holding public office under U.S. Code Title 18, Section 2071

   KFC's new Double-Down sandwich was just introduced for $4.99...For an extra .99 cents a KFC employee will cut out the middleman altogether and lean over the counter and stab you in the friggin' heart!!

   If PETA really cared about animals then why is it that PETA never protested about rat killers?

   Maybe this world is another planet's hell...

   How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you re on

   wants you to imagine that I have a big smile on my face. Also, for the hell of it, go ahead & put me in a top hat. .

   Always hold your girlfriend/wife's hand at the mall. If you let it go, she will shop!!.

   I can't believe I paid $6 for diahrea thanks Taco Bell!

   Motels....Because you and your hooker deserve better than the backseat of some car.

   Gentlemen prefer blondes, but it takes a real man to handle a redhead

   If your dog doesn't like someone you probably shouldn't either!

   (Insert insignificant nonsense that nobody else cares about here)