Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Now as old age approaches It sure gives me the blues to see it hang its little head and watch me tie my shoes.

   12/20/2012 Doomsday Party. mark your mayan calendar!

   the funniest person on Facebook hands down like 6:30!

   Hey. Did everything just taste purple for a second?

   thinks mummys are extinct bc they always wrap it up!

   Hukd on Fonics werked for me!

   As long as there are tests,there will always be public prayers in schools.

   Change is inevitable,except from vending machines.

   Thinks that Miss Universes Sex Tape was the Answer to World Peace.

   "Dear Santa, seeing you cant define naughty, is it possible you could overlook september for me"?

   Victoria is Lying, She Doesn't Have a Secret !!!

   Don't go 4 looks; they can deceive. Don't go 4 wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright

   Wen you smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen you fart you r alone coz people will never stand by u!

   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car

   wondering why Facebook doesnt have a relationship status that says "SLEEPING WITH YOUR MAN" You KNOW a lot of people would be down for that on FB!!!

   Ok..so I went ahead and gave Jesus the wheel but I still crashed my car and got a dui

   wants you to give it up for his band Sexual Chocolate

   snappin necks and cashin checks

   I Don't know how to have a good marriage. But I do know how to have a bad one. so I just wont do those things.

   A candy that starts off sour and then gets sweet?... Wow that sums up my girlfriend..