Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i still think womens clothes look best on the floor.

   if it weren't for the presents and money think about how terrifying it would be to our children that a fat man, a fairy and a giant rabbit break into their houses every year...

   The police officer asked Tigers wife "how many times did you hit him ma'am?" She responded "Oh, I don't know, put me down for a 5"

   whats the difference between a SUV and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards...

   I should have guessed that huge red toy on the wall at the sex shop was too good to be true! Oh well. I might be $50 shorter but I now have a fire extinguisher for the home!

   A poll found that 55 percent of shoppers start their Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. The other 45 percent are men.

   never steal... the goverment hates competition!

   puts the fun in funeral

   the oldest he has ever been.

   JUICE BOX TIME!

   thinks it's obvious that a guy created google...i'm feeling lucky?

   brakes for unicorns.

   do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.

   At the end of the day Tiger Woods is the guy we all want to be: $600 million, 75 Cars, Cute dogs, Hot Wife, 3 hotter girlfriends....Enough Said!

   if you know Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, then isn't it a really dumb question to ask if you know the MOST famous reindeer of them all

   Tiger Woods: never satisfied with a hole in one.

   thinks Santa is a judgemental twat who bears a grudge. I've explained the Elves incident a hundred times now. So what if I was caught naked with one of his helpers in a cupboard, it was all an innocent mistake!

   too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear

   Wants to have unprotected text

   why do all the other reindeer have brown noses??? Because they aren't as quick to stop as Rudolph