Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can't wait to watch his favourite Christmas movie, "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't Due To Santa's Urinary Tract Infection"

   James Cameron's new movie "Avatar" comes out next week. People say it will be as successful as "Titanic". Not the movie. The ship.

   wonders that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.

   chugging NyQuil until sugar plums really are dancing in my head..

   ๑۩۩๑ MY KINGDOM ๑۩۩๑

   If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed...always remember that YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.

   thinks a girls legs are her best friends.....but the best of friends must part!!!

   just invented a new parachute for morons...it opens on impact.

   on an Hedgehog's back, Wearing underpants made of cast iron.

   FML- facebook is my life

   reminds you that freedom isn't free. I had to pay $20 for some guy to get me out of my driveway.

   I spent my life searching the world trying to find myself; and when I finally did....I forgot why I was looking!

   Is global warming real or are the hot headed scientist to close to the thermometer.

   If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

   If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

   Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

   just because you take a picture of a lawn chair, make it black and white, and write 'Summer 09' on it doesn't make you an artist.

   If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I thinkit's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture.

   Love is a matter of chemistry,sex is a matter of physics.

   Sex appeal is made up of 50% of what you got and 50% of what people think you got.