Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All in all, this is just another... post on my wall

   Apparently the police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. She said "I don't know exactly... but put me down for a 5."

   Was told I am a naive realist...from what I can see they are wrong

   MERRY XMAS EVERYONE (Yes I know it's a bit early, but I thought I'd start with you miserable and argumentative plebs first!)

   has found an artificial leg on a bus and is going to give it to his wife as a Xmas present. It should make the ideal stocking filler!

   I was thinking about becoming an atheist, but I thought screw it, you don't get any holidays.

   I think what I want most out of life is to die in my 90's owing a s**t load of money and shot by a jealous husband.

   hate it when I get stupid fortunes from a fortune cookie. I feel like I got cheated!

   if you tell the truth..you don't have to have a good memory.

   went into a elementary school and told the kids santa isnt real

   cant wear skinny jeans because my rolls wont fit

   haha Strap-On spelt backwards is no parts

   See,,, I told you it would fit!!

   Santa must be a man. No woman would be caught dead wearing the same clothes every Christmas!

   im like buger king and your like mcdonalds il have it my way and yu will be loving it

   she will name her first cyber baby after you ;)

   Tiger's latest voice mail message "Hi Kobe, it's Tiger....can you give me the name of that jeweler you told me about".

   says here's to honor...get on her and stay on her!

   it safe to have unprotected text after a period?

   Name: If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month