Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering how exactly do you mark someone's words?

   I am good at posting statuses with percentages that I pulled out my ass. If you are one of these people or know someone who is, please repost this. 97.4% won't copy and paste this. : )

   Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

   you can't control the economy, you can control your health

   you learn alot about one's Backbone, Mainly when they say one thing to your face and another behind your back.

   Banks are the type of place that will give you money if you can prove you don't need it

   Nudist Camp sign: "Sorry, Clothed for Winter".

   if it gets any colder britney spears will have to wear underwear

   wondering if anybody ever won the lottery playing the lucky numbers in fortune cookies

   just realised dat wen a guy opens the door of his car for his girlfriend one of them is brandnew!!!

   wonders if ghost say "I see living people"?!

   It will snow. Fine. This is not a reason to panic. Tesco will not run out of food before you starve so don't go shopping like a twat, if you're unsure whether to drive then just don't ok. Ever. Sell your damn car and get on a bus. And please don't ring th

   Sick of all these crap diets on tv here is the best 1 for ya stop shovelling junk food in ya trap

   doesn't know the key to success, but definitely knows that the key to failure is to try to please everyone

   Britain: The only nation that runs more efficiently through a world war than through a snow storm.

   on itunes below "Party in the USA" by Miley Cryus, it said "Listeners who bought this also enjoyed, 'Sounds of People Farting into a Mic."

   almost killed today when she fell off a horse. Thank god the Kmart employee saw me, came over and unplugged the thing!

   cleaning out her medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time!!

   fighting for world peace...one beer at a time.

   you wouldnt know where your heading until your know where you have being !