Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   watching eclipse, ain't eclipse suppose to release 30 June 2010.... I must be lucky

   hates the seat warmers in the car it makes me feel like I peed my pants, wait I didn't turn on the seat warmers today, DAMMMITT!!

   If your dog fits in your purse, send it back, it's a rat in a dog suit.

   some advice for the youngsters on Facebook. You can do anything you want to do in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it too

   thinks God will still love me if I don't annoy 15 of my friends with some stupid chain email.

   ..wishes she wasn't so mean to her dentist this morning. After all,dentists have fillings too..

   Cat talking sh!t, girls gone, so the dogs and I are clearing the Living Room so we can have single elimination cage matches, winner gets to hit that pu55y...eeerrrr, cat!

   Avanika Mote : What's with people wanting a "dislike" button on FB?? Guys, just don't click the "like" button on a post....Ain't that wayy simpler, much logical and less offensive?

   I like to title my documents "The World" so I can feel great when I click Save

   ****This message has been censored by Beijing*****

   pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a fool wit your pants on the ground

   learnt that 'practice makes perfect' does not apply to knife juggling

   Sad Fact Of Life #208- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.

   thinks throwback week is almost as much fun as post your bra color week.

   did anyone ever find out what The Rock was cooking? I always hoped it was lasagne

   the economy is soo bad that The Mafia is laying off judges...

   been so depressed thinking about the economy I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

   can't get this nicorette stuff lit.

   gave old clothes for Haïti today. It's not much but it's much more helpful than prayers. People in Haïti don't need your useless prayers. They need concrete help!

   needs some more girl's phone numbers so far I have my mom's, grandma's, and aunt's.