Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you feel that the window of opportunity is closed to you, just pick up a rock and smash that f*er to pieces!

   People piss me off like the ones who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is?

   A guy with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants walks into a bar. The bartender sees him and says "heyt. There's a steering wheel sticking out the front of your pants." The guy says " yeah, and it's driving me nuts".

   Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.

   hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...

   thinking that if ýou make someones day by posting a silly status and never denying that its someone elses ides, whats the harm?

   wondering why books on "How to make women happy" aren't displayed in the 'FICTION' section

   Would rather tell a thousand truths and draw a thousand tears, than a lie, and see a thousand forged smiles.

   ..met her ex at the gym. We didnt workout..

   ..is having car problems. The car won't start and the payments won't stop.

   The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.

   will never eat cheezies while watching porn again...

   I ring bells randomly so that the Angels getting their Wings will be taken by surprise. Sometimes I ring 10 bells at once and wonder how chaotic it must be!

   I Wud Rather Die |REAL| Than Live Something |FAKE|.

   if they put Your brain in a bird it would fly backwards

   Who wants to go to Antarctica to see Penguins......I am sure they will land up in Delhi this year in search of COLD!!!!

   It's been scientifically proven that chocolate contains a shrinking ingredient. It shrinks your clothing!

   having a great day! Life is terrifi........i just crapped myself

   failure, is not falling down; but remaining where you have fallen.

   Excuse me, have you seen motivation? I seem to have lost all of mine.