Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   after so much studying , he is going to PASS his BAR tonight!

   Finally got Laid... And you all thought It would never happen!

   now that she's gone, Hands back into my pants!

   is doing "The Pee Pee Dance!". Not because I have to go... I just think it's a cool dance...

   Celebrating 6 yrs of a social epidemic.Congrats Facebook for connecting people with friends;old,new,and weird. Using up people's time online. Poking as many women as possible.F*cking up relationships/marriages,and checking up on people's exaggerated lives

   masticating in a crowded restaurant.

   "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits"

   veni, vidi, velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around...

   In life, success is determined by the amount of sh!t you can take

   : Everytime I hear the dirty word "excercise", I wash my mouth with chocolate.....

   pays tribute to Mickey Mouse who will turn 82 years old this year. He's now the oldest rodent in show business, unless you count that thing on Donald Trump's head....

   saw a naked man running down his road. I rolled down the car window and asked "hey why are you running stark naked " to which the naked man replied "because you are home early....."

   now in subsmission to the power of great stupidity

   won't be drinking alone tonight.......the verizon network will be with with her!

   when love is in the air I put on my gas mask.

   Never hit a man with glasses! A baseball bat does the job MUCH better!

   Kentucky man wins 128 million dollar lottery. Says he will share winnings with his wife and sister. Lucky woman!

   They said the baby looked like me. Until they turned him the right way up.

   Just started the all donut diet, or as I like to call it, Glazed Anatomy.

   If you're happy, don't ask questions. Isn't that right ?