Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in need of an ego boost. Maybe she'll take one of those "English as Second Language" courses and really take a moment to shine.

   When you don't know what to say: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

   I just harvested my crops, killed a Mafia Don, fed my fish and deleted my Facebook account

   God. I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   ~ Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin, it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.~

   Now With Extra Pulp, Squeezed Fresh For Your Statusfaction.

   Happy Single-Awareness Day!

   Guys Don't Worry about Today, Your Women Can Be Satisfied with Only 8.5 cm ... and It Doesn't Matter If It is VISA or MASTERCARD !!!

   I'm already a fan of good times, beer, and women..Why would I want to become a fan of anything else?!

   just heard that there is snow on the ground somewhere in every state in the union except Hawaii. Global warming, you know. . .

   Happy New Year to all my Chinese friends, and those who just want a reason to party. With it coinciding with Valentines Day, I know of one professional golfer who is planning to celebrate the 14th & all year long. After all, it IS the Year of the Tiger!

   Hey look! I am invisible!

   "If you are Jordan, Wade, Garnett or Peyton, it worked. It don't work on Leroy." --- Charles Barkley

   "Have you ever noticed that Gatorade doesn't work on guys who suck?" --- Charles Barkley

   will always believe that cupid rhymes with stupid.

   I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.

   - I am looking for my Valentine's Day Date on the Casual Encounters Section of Craigslist.

   a barbie girl in a barbie world.

   abstinance makes the church grow fondlers

   can't find a valentine even though I have gotten my bedwetting problem under control... what else do you lady's want from me... to watch lifetime with you???