Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Finally got around to deleting my Twitter account today. It could be that I just paraniod, but I swear somebody was following me...

   Surprise n shock as A KILLER whale kills a highly trained animal trainer! Duh! killer!

   Octomom "I can't rule out having one more baby." Really? You know what I can definitely rule out? You having even one brain cell left.

   Today is National, "I Really Don't Give a $hit" Day". 92% of FB Users won't post this to their profile status, will you or don't you give a $hit either?

   learned an important lesson yesterday, Rice Krispies and hangovers do not go good together. First time she ever had to tell a bowl of ceral to shut the f*ck up!!

   Hangover in progress.....please donot disturb

   Have you ever been so bored you started a rumor about yourself just to argue on the other end of it...

   says Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups..,,.!! :P

   Women prefer men who have something tender about them -- especially the financial kind.

   A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

   The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him

   I serve my "fck you's" with a smile. It just has a better effect that way. Don't you think?

   Whenever I sing,i put the cat in the front yard. That way,the neighbours can see it and know it's not being strangled.

   if pickles weren't so sour, I would watch tv and jump on the car. I mean the goblins...never mind..no more LSD for me

   Harrassment: A mint flavored pill that a female injects into her rectum to freshen it.

   there's only one Return and it's not of the King, it's of the Jedi.

   Dilemma. Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?

   Son of a GOD!!! SACHIN!!! Couldn't beleive my eyes when I saw 200 not out next to Sachin Tendulkar. Another unbreakable record added to d list.

   Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

   Cheryl Cole changed her relationship status to "single". 45 million people liked this.