Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Thoughts lead to words... Words lead to actions... Actions build your character... Your character determines your destiny.

   2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.

   ► Play The Moments ▌▌ Pause The Memories ■ Stop The Pain ◄◄ Rewind The Happiness.

   I told my wife Ii wanted a cheeseburger for dinner, she told me to make it myself... Looks like I'm eating cereal.

   Rated E for every one!!! wait.......

   Yes I'm going old and yes I'm going bold, I know because it's taking longer and longer for me to wash my face in the morning!

   There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

   Two guys walk into a bar. I was one of them. I don't remember anything else..

   believes that Facebook is a lot like a refridgerator. when you're bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there's anything good in it!!!!!

   You can watch things happen, you can make things happen, or you can wonder what just happened." ~ Phil Harris RIP

   It's official: Sarah Palin has now written more books than she has read.

   Just once I'd like to see a Congressman resign by saying, "I regret everything but the blow jobs. They were awesome."

   Megan Fox will not be acting in Transformers 3. The same was true in Transformers 1 and 2.

   Angered by steroid accusations, Lance Armstrong threw a car at reporters.

   Bin Laden sees what BP's done, and he's like, "Man, I've got to step up my game."

   BP's latest strategy to stop leak, Operation Fingers Crossed, doesn't instill much confidence.

   The BP president said that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine'

   BP Consulting with Toyota about Making Things Stop