Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't call my name, Cilantro!

   Really really really wants to zigazig ha

   Pain is nature's way of saying "Don't do that." - Painkillers are mankind's way of saying "F*ck it ... go ahead"

   This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

   I think I've watched too many scary movies because every time I go to Chic-fil-a I find they are way too nice. I keep expecting their eyes to roll back in to their head while they are smiling and saying "its my pleasure to serve you."

   I was recently diagnosed with CDO. Its the same thing as OCD its just in alphabetical order, the way it should be!

   learnt a valuable lesson today about not putting "PUSH DOOR" stickers onto glass sliding doors, he would also like to wish a speedy recovery to Jill in HR, although the b*tch really did have it coming...

   I think all woman should come with a satisfaction guarantee label

   In the 1960's, people took acid to make the world weird... Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal..

   your hairstyle aint your lifestyle

   sometimes feels like I'm stuck at school in an episode of Peanuts where all I hear is "blah blah blah...blah blah...blah blah blah blah"

   pretty sure that if fortune telling was real every fortune in every fortune cookie would read "You are about to eat a stale cookie, boo-yah!"

   If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

   I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

   If you suddenly find you cannot fix it, screw it up so nobody else can !

   Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

   voices!!!! screamin in my head dont lead the path that I tread!

   whatever I want too!!

   I used to love, respect and cherish every moment we spent together and then something happened...oh yeah, I built a bridge and got over it!

   Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].