Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   only popular on the internet

   playing marco polo with random people

   doesn't want anything serious.. just a cuddle that'll lead to bigger, harder and better things :)

   Thanks Jason Derulo.. Without you, I would never know how to spell S.O.L.O

   Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

   I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and says, "Oh look at that!" Then whoosh, and I'm gone... and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me - ever.

   My microwave has a button that says "STOP TIME", its probably to stop the timer but I don't touch it just in case

   Everything happens for a reason. It's just that it's always too late when we find out.

   WHOA! Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for updating my status. I'm going to miss you guys.

   It's time to do some stuff around the house. Sit around it... walk around it... lie around it...

   Us women are stupid. We b*tch moan and yell about something not done by someone else but by the time we get done complaining we couldve done it ourselves..I'm a woman and I will never understand us

   Levi Johnston is part native, he just took back his apology to Palin

   Why does Jello have a smell when you add the powder in the water, but when it "gels" the smell is gone?

   found out softcore porn isn't like real sex, it doesn't fade out to a candle, waterfall or something lame like that."

   Being nice to the people you don't like isn't called two faced, its called growing up

   If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize.

   "I am sick of people getting "offended" by what I say...put on your big girl panties and deal with it

   Don't make someone your priority if they only make you an option!!

   Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and then a diet coke?

   If you don't have the courage to walk alone others will not have the courage to walk with you.