Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5700 of 6446

Just caught my girlfreind in bed with my best friend. I threw her out, then grabbed him and shouted, "Bad Dog! Bad Dog!"
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09-07-2010 21:51 by Aaron
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some times the same way a guy does not cherish a good girl a girl does not cherish a good guy.
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09-07-2010 21:01
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I am very suspicious about joggers. It seems as if they are always the ones who find the bodies.
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09-07-2010 20:40
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Im starting a "stop breeding ugly children boycott" in front of the hospitals
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09-07-2010 19:31
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ohh really? no blisters if I use this right?
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09-07-2010 19:28
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It felt so good to delete you, I'd accept you just to do it all over again!!
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09-07-2010 19:28
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Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!
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09-07-2010 19:14 by Danmanz
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Was about to put on my white jeans then realized ITS AFTER LABOR DAY! Phew, what a fashion mistake that would had been! So I put on my neon green parachute pants instead.
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09-07-2010 18:48
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tried to sell myself on Craigslist...now I'm "Censored."
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09-07-2010 17:37 by Juni
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I've been given two weeks to live. The wife's gone away for a fortnight.
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09-07-2010 17:12 by KOC
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Ass, Gas or Grass works on all hitchhikers until you see that 250 pound fat chick holding a full gas can with a doobie in her mouth and her thumb out...Keep driving! Keep driving!
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09-07-2010 16:46
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Of all the names for a cookie...who the hell came up with "Snickerdoodle"?
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09-07-2010 16:42
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I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
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09-07-2010 15:28
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X When someone says, "Expect the unexpected," I like to punch them in the face to express my agreement
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09-07-2010 15:23
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partying isnt wasting money. its investing in good memories! :D
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09-07-2010 14:12
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I will never forget what my dear old Grandad said to me just before he kicked the bucket.He said, "Sarah... how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

Amy Chavis Why do people write like this? It is really hard. "1 Wr!t3 L!k3 d¡s cu$ I r3a@lLy c@nT $p€ll"
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09-07-2010 11:38
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Freaking mosquito bite on my ankle, I would have rather got shot in the foot!

There should be a statute of limitations on how long a person gets to blame their crappy childhood for their shortcomings.
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09-07-2010 08:46 by Leeferd
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uhh... i'm no meteorologist but i'm pretty sure its raining b*tches..
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09-07-2010 08:36 by Tyler G
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