Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.

   It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.

   So many freaks... so few circuses.

   Can't sleep. Clowns will eat me.

   My 2011 New Years Resolution is to hangout with more than 2 of my facebook friends.

   I listened patiently for you to make a noise but you never did. Reluctantly I had to admit you were right, it was a bottomless pit.

   I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.

   I wonder if my mailman even recognized me with my clothes on.

   Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays? Surely this will lead to the creation of more seasoned criminals.

   ˙ɹǝʌoƃuɐɥ ʇsɹoʍ ǝɥʇ sɐɥ

   can't seem to put out old flames, especially when they come back blazing in glory.

   Think outside the facebox.

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.

   One of our cats sits on the toilet lid and stares at the shower curtain while we take a shower. We're not sure if he's life-guarding or just amazed about how brave we are.

   When I was young I thought getting a yeast infection was sitting on dirty muffins while youre not wearing any underwear!

   Apparently there's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

   The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?