Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Necrophilia, puts the fun in funeral

   A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's.......She changes it more often.

   I just played FARKLE against somebody from across the World, and yet we had a mutual friend! My opponent knows Pamela Anderson too!

   Justin Bieber is being accused of assault on a 12 year old while playing laser tag.... He's FINALLY got the street cred he needed... 'bout time ;)

   At a meeting last night Bill gates and Steve Jobs were both in attendance , when Gates started dozing off , Jobs replied "There's a nap for that"

   MTV needs to be "Made" into a better channel

   A good solution can be successfully applied to almost any problem.

   My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

   People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

   Business truth: The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other end of the building.

   Ability is a good thing but stability is even better.

   If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ...

   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

   My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

   Skipping the new "Jackass" movie... already saw Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar on "The View" this week.

   The Killer in me is the Killer in you.

   What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? “Must be an earthquake.”

   hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.