Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 5510 of 6446

   messageicon if they are going to start putting graphic pictures on packs of cigarettes, then they should put deadly dui pics on liquor bottles
←Rate | 11-10-2010 23:11 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fruit snacks should just be sold in buckets, to hell with these little packets.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 22:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At the grocery store tonight, I looked down into our basket and realized we live with old people. :(
←Rate | 11-10-2010 22:40 by Rick Hurst Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never mind being "Popular" in High School.... Now there's Facebook...
←Rate | 11-10-2010 22:06 by Donna Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Tom Cruise: Life is what you make of it. Not what you make believe of it
←Rate | 11-10-2010 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades
←Rate | 11-10-2010 21:44 by invisibility Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the incest rate across America must drop so much on nights like these ... You know, when they're all watching the Country Music Awards instead!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 20:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HEY EVERYBODY ON FACEBOOK!! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!....i'm so humble..ok..that is all...
←Rate | 11-10-2010 19:16 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 18:08 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opted for SWAT team costume for Halloween. Cheap and easy. It occurred to me, however, that I've got a toy weapon. Would that be Toy Weapons And Tactics? I don't think it would be copacetic to place the acronym on the shirt.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 17:47 by Stragen Comments (0)  


   messageicon know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 17:38 by mickeybruce Comments (0)  


   messageicon i just found out that turning off all the lights in my house and pretending I'm blind does nothing for my boredom,so then I tried playing pictionary with my dog and cat but they're so STUPID!!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 17:05 by wendy rafferty Comments (1)  


   messageicon So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?
←Rate | 11-10-2010 16:58 by Nunthewizr Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 16:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering when Hallmark will make a greeting card for the Single men for there Holiday you Know PALM SUNDAY !!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 14:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alright, who left the bag of idiots open..
←Rate | 11-10-2010 14:28 by Wolf Comments (1)  


   messageicon thinking that school kids are dumb. Whenever they watch a student with a "KICK ME" sticker on their back, they LAUGH, instead of kicking!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 14:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand it when someone use's an apostrophe "s" to make a word plural. It drive's me nut's!
←Rate | 11-10-2010 14:08 by SKP Comments (3)  


   messageicon Feeling a little horny today. I think my check-engine light is ON.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 13:50 by Pali Comments (0)  


   messageicon My catholic priest molested your honor roll student.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 13:44 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left