Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5510 of 6446

if they are going to start putting graphic pictures on packs of cigarettes, then they should put deadly dui pics on liquor bottles
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11-10-2010 23:11
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Fruit snacks should just be sold in buckets, to hell with these little packets.
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11-10-2010 22:49
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At the grocery store tonight, I looked down into our basket and realized we live with old people. :(

Never mind being "Popular" in High School.... Now there's Facebook...
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11-10-2010 22:06 by Donna
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Dear Tom Cruise: Life is what you make of it. Not what you make believe of it
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11-10-2010 21:56
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thinking the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades

thinks the incest rate across America must drop so much on nights like these ... You know, when they're all watching the Country Music Awards instead!
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11-10-2010 20:30
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HEY EVERYBODY ON FACEBOOK!! MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!....i'm so humble..ok..that is all...

Zombie hunting, It't not just a sport, its survival!
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11-10-2010 18:08 by ff1241
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Opted for SWAT team costume for Halloween. Cheap and easy. It occurred to me, however, that I've got a toy weapon. Would that be Toy Weapons And Tactics? I don't think it would be copacetic to place the acronym on the shirt.
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11-10-2010 17:47 by Stragen
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know why McDonald's restaurants always smell so bad? 'cause the people that eat there poop there.

i just found out that turning off all the lights in my house and pretending I'm blind does nothing for my boredom,so then I tried playing pictionary with my dog and cat but they're so STUPID!!

So....she said I was as smooth as Ken. That's a good thing, right?!?

Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
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11-10-2010 16:14
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wondering when Hallmark will make a greeting card for the Single men for there Holiday you Know PALM SUNDAY !!
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11-10-2010 14:41
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Alright, who left the bag of idiots open..
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11-10-2010 14:28 by Wolf
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thinking that school kids are dumb. Whenever they watch a student with a "KICK ME" sticker on their back, they LAUGH, instead of kicking!
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11-10-2010 14:11
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I can't stand it when someone use's an apostrophe "s" to make a word plural. It drive's me nut's!
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11-10-2010 14:08 by SKP
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Feeling a little horny today. I think my check-engine light is ON.
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11-10-2010 13:50 by Pali
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My catholic priest molested your honor roll student.
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11-10-2010 13:44
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