Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

   Life is less like a box of chocolate and more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

   I don't know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.

   Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

   MONDAY: Mentally Overworked, Nauseated, Dysfunctional And Yucky

   alright ladies...time to put down the booze n get busy on theses dishes...

   "Nice Beaver." Simple, yet effective. RIP Leslie Nielsen. Your classic comedy movies will continue to make us laugh.

   heard that frank Drebin died today. It couldnt have been Nordberg that killed him because OJ doesnt kill people

   The camera adds 10 pounds. Reality adds 20.

   Leslie Neilsen died?! Surely you can't be serious?!

   Surely he's not dead! He is. And stop calling me Shirley. R.I.P. Leslie Neilsen.

   If you worry about all the bridges you burn in life, you will never get across the river.

   wish I can do , what CAL LIGHTMAN can ;-)

   seriously thinking she was swapped at birth!

   I hope when I die and I'm standing at the pearly gates "trying to get in" that they dont have a list of all the things I have Googled and start reading them aloud !

   RIP Leslie Nielsen. I promise not to call you Shirley.

   Can you imagine how hard it was to check the blindspots on the left side if the Millennium Falcon?

   Jealousy is an illness, get well soon!

   LOCAL CHICKEN FARMER HIRING STAFF FOR XMAS, $ 19.50 HR. I told them about your experience handling c*ck, you start Monday......

   found this pic. on the net. The guys name in the photo was “Mike Litoris”. Oh how he must have been picked on as a child!