Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why doesn't Homeland Security call the new "If You See Something, Say Something" campaign, "The National Tattle-Tell Campaign"?

   Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak english.

   Dear Scissors, I feel your pain... No one wants to run with me either. Sincerely, Sarah Palin.

   I was drinking at the bar, so I took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

   Go to Google Translating tool. From English to French, translate "Take a Dirty Picture for me." Then Copy and Paste back into the box the French words and Translate from French to English.

   .♫♪♫..it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas...♫♪♫

   If you have an album in your facebook photo page, titled...WeDdInG pHoToS!!!! You my have been too young to marry.

   ADHD. It's like ADD except the picture quality is phenomenal.

   It's so cold I actually saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets...

   Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.

   Unbeknownst to most theologians, there were actually four wise men. But he was turned away for bringing a fruit cake..

   Oooooooo the Patron.....yesterday my friend, today my enemy...

   says change your birthday on facebook to todays date, and see how many of your "friends" are totally clueless

   likes the Hide button so much that he is now working on one for the laundry.

   wants to point out that real men don't sparkle.

   I know alcohol is never the answer, but it's always my best guess.

   Why hasn't Sears made a riding vacuum cleaner?

   "Oh, the weather outside..... is the weather......"

   Update on my diet....its December and so far this year I've lost 12 months!! I would like to thank the website I found that allows me to purchase Cadbury mini eggs year round!!

   I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.