Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.

   "AGAIN?!" - Me, every morning.

   Every hero has that villain to keep them going.

   Just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   Five bucks says I'm totally broke.

   The best feeling of the day is getting into bed, the worst feeling of the day is getting out of bed.

   Note to self: "Bring sexy back"

   My ego persuades me to be a lot more confident than I should be.

   I hate grocery shopping because I'm no very good at predicting what I'm going to feel like eating in a few days.

   Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.

   According to the new astrological signs, astrology is still complete bullsh!t.

   Hey Facebook, is it possible to cram a few more ads on my "new" profile page?

   You know your ego is too big when it enters the room before you do.

   Good thing I never got my zodiac sign tattooed.

   If hooters changes to a door-to-door service, would they change thier name to knockers?

   They changed the zodiac signs! Are they just going to add in a new random month too?

   Apparently, it is nearly impossible for men to beat a women in any argument, because men have a need to make sense.

   It really sucks when your in the middle of something and your batteries go dead.

   dude, I'm pretty sure your car isnt supposed to sound like a dirt bike!

   I just learned that if you say Gullible REALLY SLOWLY, it sounds like orange. DT