Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Deleting my Facebook soon = Please give me attention and ask me why I'm deleting my Facebook account and beg for me to stay so I can feel important.

   Out of eggs and hoping the easter bunny will leave some on my porch.

   Hoping the easter bunny leaves me some eggs the egg hoarders didn't get this year.

   If you're wondering why the COVID-19 rate is do low in Germany and high in the USA, it's because Germany's president used to be a quantum chemist and the USA's president used to be a reality television host.

   BATMAN: Thanks for filling in while Robin is away. MOTHMAN: *Just repeatedly flying into the bat signal*

   I've been eating so much during the lockdown. I'm starting to get a tan from the fridge light.

   hey punk below, you love winning then get the helll out of here

   THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL! – My dentist, to his trainee hygienist, who keeps passing him the wrong implements.

   At this point I only practice good personal hygiene based on how I would want my body to be found

   when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it

   I asked Alexa how old Kenny Rogers was when he died. She told me he was 81, and then she said, “Would you also like to know the net worth of Kenny Rogers?” Why the hell would you ask me that, Alexa, am I in the will?

   Does anyone know how to get to Sesame Street? Elmo owes me money.

   Home invasion 2019 : this is awful and terrifying… OMG I can’t believe this is happening! Home invasion 2020 : ohhhh heeyyyy … so did y’all wash your hands?

   Well at least before the coronavirus I got in plenty of practice socially distancing myself thanks to facebook.

   How can the guy below refer to anyone's dumbness when he spells quarantine like that? You can't make this stuff up, folks.

   If there’s one thing this lockdown has taught me; it’s that your first breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

   Wonder how those “I’ll never spank my Children doing” parents are doing. Y’all Good ?

   If gas goes under $1.00 ima put some in the freezer.

   Has anyone got a spare ‘medically induced coma’ I can borrow ?

   Oh no! I forgot to refrigerate this German sausage! Now it's totally become a spoiled brat.