Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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OK Mayan's you missed out on these "END of world" predictions don't worry it's not like there is no tomorrow!!!! 
Congratulations, you survived the Mayan Disaster. Please resume your life. Thank you.
apparently people don't know how to read mayan in very well. it never said the world would end however I believe it said Wisconsin would close
The world won't end in 2012, Marty Mcfly has been to 2015
Text:I wanna be inside you. Reply: You were for 9 months. Sorry mom wrong number.
i'm not stalking, i'm making sure you're always ok.
I don't date because I have a kitten. Making more than one pu$$y happy is hard I tell you.
"I'm gonna cramp your style." - Menstruation
If EVERY radio station on Earth doesn't play R.E.M.'s "It's the end of the world as we know it(and I feel fine) at the PRECISE moment of the solstice...well then you 've really just wasted all of our time!
- My wife got us tickets to The Nutcracker for tomorrow night, so at this point I'm rooting for the Mayans.
dear Myans, its ok to be wrong...its not like its the end of the world
The day you start looking forward to being abused in the nursing home is the day you realize your life sucks
Before we blame the Mayans let us ask ourselves; what if Bruce Willis and his crew are actually up there and they have successfully nuked the meteor
everyone's making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow.
Age is just a number ...and mine is unlisted .
Every year my calendar ends on December 31st and I buy a new one, today i've concluded the Mayans were too lazy to make a new one.
Sleeping naked tonight. I'm leaving this world the same way I entered it. Naked.
As I scroll through my FB feed this holiday season, I find myself overcome with emotion and love. And then I remember I've had a lot of tequila and eggnog and I pass out on the floor.
Well, if this apocalypse doesn't work out, I hear there's a Jamaican calender that ends on 4/20 next year....
My next plan for Christmas shopping would be buying a couple of laptops to like my status on this ... 