Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   SPOILER: Ren & Stimpy kill Yoda.

   Luke Skywalker is barely in the end of the movie and doesn't say a word. it just rolls to the credits.. womp womp

   The thing that disturbs me the most about social media,is when I see a woman from the high school days who didn't age very well, and I think to myself, "Man, I can't believe I zherked off to that."

   I have no problem getting S3X...the tough part is deciding which hand to use.

   From the Paris Climate Change Conference: Santa is required to put solar panels in the stockings of naughty kids.

   Do the villains in Scooby-Doo know they have the right to remain silent?

   If old french fries were weapons,,, I would be able to kill anyone trying to carjack me

   You know someone's having a little too much fun at your party , when they mistake your dogs Kong for a buttplug .

   to anyone who spoils the movie, you'll feel my Han...Solo

   Star Wars is out Bar Scene is dead Thanks a lot Harrison Ford.

   Am I crazy or a ...?!

   If you like Star Wars. Your Special. Will you fix my Computer!!!!??

   ♪ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,

   If I don't catch you sniffing a pair of my panties, are we really even cousins?

   Wait... what? Han is now gay and that is why Leai goes on the suicide mission where she dies?

   Some idiot posted spoilers and totally ruined my Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Road Chip experience

   I'm not bragging, but I wear the same size earing I used to wear in Junior high ..

   Why is it that a lot of the people who think everyone is too easily offended these days act like you just insulted their mother by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas"?

   That moment when ya reach down t'ween your legs to pull the handle to slide your car seat forward, but it won't move, so you keep try over and over to only realize that from the outside it probably looks like you're vigorously humping your own forearm

   My Mother in law Joined ISIS this morning.. She leaves tomorrow on a suicide mission.. At least that's what the papers I just signed said ..