Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "... And for dessert, we have NyQuil."...... *Me, if I were a parent

   if your religion is worth killing for , please,..... start with yourself

   "nice guys" always end up in the friendzone.....time to be an Ahole

   My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"

   My medical ID bracelet says "Probably Drunk".

   Any salad can be a caesar salad,,, if you stab it enough.

   If you are the 10,000th person to pee in a fitness club shower confetti drops & you win a 6 mo. membership... Or so I'm told,,,, Wear sandals

   Just spent 15 minutes searching for the remote to my surround sound receiver.. Couldn't find it so in frustration I went up and manually pushed the power button. What is this world coming too????

   Koran has been remixed more times than Madonna.

   Safe word? It's more likely that you will need a white flag

   T rolls used to live under bridges, now they live in their mom's basement.

   Before you give me your survey results, just know that numbers don’t impress me much anymore when it comes to human beings. I now value quality over quantity when it comes to crowds considering the number of idiots who have infiltrated the human race.

   I wish black folks would stop looking to the academy awards and other white based award shows for validation--i dont even watch that bullsh**. I'll take the NAACP Image Awards and other prestigious black awards that validate black talent anyday over the o

   nothing in life is free. Everything has a price. Every action has a consequence.

   Hell is empty and all the devils are here...

   So Eli Manning and Peyton Manning walk into a bar...........To watch Tom Brady in the playoffs.

   [job interview] *removes ear bud* yo, what's the wifi password up in here

   Stereotypes aside, I believe there is a female toughness that men do not have, or understand. It's whatever creates the courage to care.

   You look like the kind of girl that would take a selfie in my trunk.

   Q:why are black folks mad at God A: you would be too if he put p*bic hair on top of your head.