Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think I may be getting harder to love.

   Men that wear jean jacket's are making a statement... They're stating that they've lost hope of getting laid any time soon

   I just deleted a text message without reading it so your voicemail doesn't have a prayer.

   Skiing is my favorite way of getting a head injury while freezing to death.

   Not today, people with initiative. Not today.

   You don't know me. You don't know my life. You don't know what milk to cereal ratio I prefer.

   Mindset: Whatever happens happens

   There is no biblical evidence that Jesus even knew how to parallel park. Letting him take the wheel seems a bit irresponsible.

   I'm "flirting with strangers on the internet" years married.

   glad to see that people all over are outraged over the death of Dillon Taylor, the unarmed white male killed by a black police officer. oh wait...

   if they don't curb these protests, foreign intervention Wil be needed...mostly by Libya, Iran or iraq

   Her: "Now, I'm going to go to the bathroom and take off my 1 pound of makeup, high heels, push-up bra, colored contacts and 3/4 of my hair and then we're going to talk about YOU being more honest."

   Zero hits on the Monster.com post for Director of tourism-City of Ferguson.

   I tried to bring sexy back but he was too far gone. I brought pizza back instead.

   How many dinosaur remains must we dig up before we understand why they lived underground?

   I have a problem with huffing brake fluid but don't worry. I can stop any time.

   Where is Capt HUG A THUG when you need him aka Rev Al Not to sharpton

   Fergison Mo. BLACK FRIDAY GHETTO STYLE!!!!

   Don't ever say Obama wasn't the jobs president, look how many lawyers he is going to keep employed for the next two years...

   ME: "Hello, Front Desk, Can I get a wakeup call please?" FRONT DESK: "You're 37, unemployed, single, and haven't saved a penny for retirement" ME: "Thanks"